The Cab Conspiracy

It's 12:15am. You're at a party, a movie, a concert - whatever. The fact is, you're out on the town having a fantastic night. Nothing could come between you and having an amazing experience that you'll never forget.

Well, maybe the T could.

As we all know, the MBTA made the decision at some point to end T service at 12:30am. 12:30. The exact time that you're night should be going into full-swing, the T grinds you to a screeching halt. You must abideth by the rule of the T, for if you miss that last train at Government Center, you're going to be spending $40 in cab fare to get your ass back to your Allston or Brookline pad.

$40 bucks ain't nothin' to laugh at. That's a few good meals. That's a night at the bars. That's two DVD's. Forty dollars can go a long way if you want it to, but because the T doesn't run all night, you have to burn two jacksons just to move your body from one point to another. In a total of 14 minutes, you've lost all the money in your wallet.

Now, New York City doesn't have this problem. They got it right. Run the subway all night and you'll reduce the risks of a great number of problems.

One, you avoid the extreme risk of forcing commuters to drive home drunk. If there's no public transportation past 12:30am, and you're at the bars at 2am, how are you going to get home? Drive your car, or take a cab for big bucks. For most people (if you have a car) the answer would seem obvious. This elevates the possibility for drunk driving accidents.

Two. Without public transportation late at night, many people would rather just walk home than take that cab. For males, this is fine. For females, however, walking home to the bowls of Allston at 3am alone doesn't sound like a very safe option. The risks of rape or mugging are not great, but still out there. Rather than take those risks, it would seem like the only option for a young woman would be to take a cab.

What confuses me is the fact that Boston set "last call" for bars to be 2am - a full hour and a half after the T stops running. Why? Why not coincide the end of the T with the last call for bars. That way, every drunk John and Jane Q. Public can get their intoxicated bodies back safely to their apartments without the temptation to drive drunk or walk. It seems like common sense to me that the city would want to ensure the safety of all the alcohol-guzzling college students who pour so much money into this fine city's treasury.

Why? I'll tell you why: The Cab Conspiracy.

It is my theory that the various taxi companies in the city of Boston - MetroCab, TownTaxi, etc - have worked out a deal with the city of Boston vis a vis the MBTA. This diabolical scheme is that the cabs will service prominent city officials for free in exchange for the stoppage of public transportation before the bars close. By doing so, the cabs are ensured millions of dollars in fares from the citizens of Boston. Its a monopoly on the people. Its a total control of the market. Taxis in Boston are to late-night transportation as Microsoft is to computers. We have no choice but to ride in their smoke-stinking, upholstery-peeling jalopies.

Why else would the city stop train service at 12:30? Its not like they're trying to alleviate the burden on T drivers. If they offered service from 1am to 5am, someone out there would be willing to work it.

Is The Cab Conspiracy real? Does it truly exist? That's for you to decide. But meanwhile, watch your back: the MBTA might be coming after you next...

(Note: I am not crazy)